We’ve witnessed a strange phenomenon lately with respect to marijuana consumption that perhaps some of the older farts reading this column won’t comprehend. There’s a good damn chance they’ll even roll their eyes, wrinkle up their faces in utter disgust and, more than likely, go on a wild tirade about how the younger generations are just a bunch of wimps.
I, as much as I hate to admit it, may resemble that remark. But this spectacle that I’m speaking of goes far beyond trying to find out whether cargo shorts ever really go out of style or deciphering the latest texting acronyms.
It’s conceivable that many of our younger readers will learn of this bizarre occurrence and, like us, consider it a sign from below that a brain-dead America has finally arrived.
It seems like every time I log on to social media, there’s some lonely stoner on the other end of the computer asking for help. Not the kind, mind you, that requires a donation or even a simple gesture such as dropping off a 12-pack of beer on their porch.
No, these people want recommendations from their friends and followers on things to do high. Like what? That’s the thing. Nobody really knows. It’s like, “Hey man, I just took 500mg of edibles and like what should I do now?”
This is an odd inquiry, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve been smoking, eating, and vaping cannabis for the better part of two decades and never once been at a loss for deeds to do stoned. Not even close.
There’s always a project to keep me busy, even if that means sitting in the backyard reconsidering all of my life choices or listening to the owls converse deeply.
Never once have I been launched so profoundly into a state of stoned boredom that I felt compelled to dial a friend and ask, “Yo, I’m high, what should I do now?” Not that it would do any good. They’d probably just hang up and change their number. I’d be ghosted for sure. “Dude, Mike’s finally lost it.”
I could see if these pothead probers felt compelled to request tips on the best places to eat or the great cinema that they may have missed out on over the years. Even music recommendations. All of us get bored consuming the same content day in and day out, so not only is doing a little high exploration into new refinements acceptable, it is encouraged. By all means, ask perfect strangers for leads on cultural offerings that may improve your quality of life.
That’s all part of the fun.
But not for these sad sacks. They have found a way to dumb down honest supplication by seeking counsel on what they should be doing with themselves now that they’ve smoked a little weed.
Readers of The Bluntness are equally confused. Most contend that these impulses for inquest are just a fool’s reaction to the monotony of life, perhaps an attention grab that really only serves to reveal their dipshit genetics.
“Just look at Tik-Tok,” a man named Carlos said. “The whole world is a stage.”
Others think these imbecilic solicitors may be getting too stoned to think for themselves. “I’ve been so high before that I found myself just standing in the middle of the room, doing nothing,” said Steve from Peoria, Illinois. “I wish someone would have told me what to do.”
A number of folks believe such an odd quest for general recommendations is based on the simple, common notion that everything is better when we’re high. And perhaps they’re onto something. Maybe these people have been led to believe that they are somehow missing out on some grand pursuit of psychedelia, and they are eager to find it.
We have, after all, been told for years that getting stoned enhances all of our experiences. Sex, Music, Food. It’s all better high. It’s plausible that they have tried the big three, found out firsthand that they’re all pretty great under the influence of marijuana, and are now searching for fresh, new undertakings.
This mindset, however, is misguided. Not everything we experience high in this bizarre existence called life is more fulfilling. Sure, it can enhance activities normally found pleasurable, but weed doesn’t have the wherewithal to miraculously transform a mediocre event into something life changing.
Our readers mostly agree. Many claim they have hobbies and interests that are only enjoyed sober.
“One of my favorite things to do in the world is reading, but I can’t do it high,” Chuck from Kerrville, Texas asserts. “Makes for a miserable experience.”
Anyone who looks to the drool of the internet for guidance on random activities to get into high is likely still in the novelty phase of pot and not an experienced user. It could be some teenage kid who just discovered the parental stash, and now they’re ready to do that one thing with the Pink Floyd record and the Wizard of Oz they’ve heard so much about.
It could even be someone older who’s just getting into cannabis and doesn’t really know how to occupy their time or enjoy the headspace.
The real recommendation here, if you’re really looking for one, is to just go with the flow. Do all the things you would normally do – cooking, watching television, sitting outside listening to the owls — and see if the experience is enhanced in a way that remains as gratifying as before. If it is, you win. If not, that’s okay too.
It’s only weed. Try not to have such high expectations.
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