Reginald Reefer’s “Twas The Night Before Kushmas”
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Since we’re entering into the festive season, I thought I’d do something a bit different and write a parody of one of the most famous “Christmas Poems” that is nearly 100 years old. We’ve all heard “Twas the Night Before Christmas” recited all throughout our lives, but this year we’ll be celebrating something a bit different.
Seeing that so many states opted in for Marijuana-friendly laws, I thought it would be very appropriate to bastardize the poem for the benefit of stoners everywhere. While we’re still working on making cannabis available for anyone and removing all criminal penalties associated with the plant, it’s also good to take some time off, and have a little fun. With all this politics and prohibition fueled rants still plaguing our society, it’s good to simply enjoy life a little bit.
So in honor of my international stoner family, I am here to provide you with a snippet from the twisted mind of Reginald Reefer. I hope you enjoy.
So here’s Reginald Reefer’s “Twas the Night Before Kushmas” in full glory.
‘Twas the Night before Kushmas, when all thro’ the pad,
Not a creature was stirring, because of those dabs;
The Stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In Hopes that Ganja Clause would soon be there;
The stoners were nestled all snug in their beds
While hazy visions of fat sacks, danc’d in their heads
Mama had kief, and I had my pipe
We’d settled our brains as we smoked all night
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed and grabbed all my shatter
Away to the window, I flew like the Flash
Tore open the shutters, and grabbed a hold of my stash
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Made it look trippy, as I hit my Hydro
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a lowrider sleigh, and eight tiny straindeer
With a jolly old driver, so lively and large
Holy shit, is that Ganja Clause?
More rapid than eagles his courses they came
And he whistled, shouted and call’d them by name:
“NOW! HASHER, now! Hasher, Now! Dabber and Splifsen,
“On! Bonget, on! Bonget, on! Blunter and Ripsen;
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now hash away! Hash away! Hash away all!
As dry buds before the wild hurricane fly,
When they met with an obstacle, mounted so high
So up to the house-top the straindeers they flew
With a sleigh full of sacks, and Ganja Clause too:
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof of my pad
The bubbling and coughing, the hitting of killer dabs
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney, Ganja Clause came with a bound
He was dress’d in hemp clothing, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished, with ashes and soot
A bundle of nugs was flung on his back
And he looked like a peddler, selling fat sacks
His eyes – How they hazed! His smile was alright
He stopped real quick to spark up his pipe
His droll little mouth was dryer than hell
And the beard of his chin, had a particular smell
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old joker
And I laughed when I saw him, we’re both fucking tokers!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon made me realize, there was nothing to dread
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his duties
and filled all the stockings with a shit load of doobies
And laying his finger on the side of his pipe
He took a monster hit, and disappeared into the night
He sprung to his ride, to his team he did yell
And away they all flew, leaving that ganja smell
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight;
“Hempy Kushmas to all, and enjoy all the stoner’s delight!
And there you have it, I hope you enjoyed this Kushmas tale and if you’re interested in me bastardizing more poems and Christmas stories for the sake of entertainment, let me know in the comments section and I’ll be more than happy to do so.
On that note, I bid you all a Hempy Kushmas and a Hazy New Year, and let next year push the pro-cannabis rhetoric to a whole new level.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM CANNABIS.NET AND OUR FAMILIES TO YOURS….
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